Release

I have no release here. In the states I took many of the things that made me happy for granted. That is not to say that there aren’t many things here that do not make me happy, because there are. But, I have no release.

Previously when I had an overabundance of distress I would fall victim to my adrenaline junky side. That is to say, I played sports. I worked out. I did physical activities that would clear my mind in the action and replenish my energy afterwards. This was my way of channeling and venting. If I was upset, I focused that negative energy towards something positive. I can’t do that here.

I mean, I cannot physically release myself. There are no weightrooms, no basketball courts, no baseball diamonds, no hockey rinks, no rock walls, no racquetball or tennis courts, no football fields, no pools, no lakes or substantial rivers, and most importantly no equipment. I guess all of that pales in comparison to the idea that even if there were release points such as these I would have to drastically change my eating habits to use them. I can barely get enough calories into my system as it is (playing soccer a few times a week on a dirt patch, yoga, minor bucketfullofwater lifting). Anything more strenuous than that and it would take me a month to recover on my current nutritional intake.

I was a hardcore athlete and solely because it was fun. There was nothing material to be gained from any of the sports that I participated in (crew in particular), it was all personal. I enjoyed it and it was good for me. It is such a huge part of who am that I have come to realize that I need to do something in order to hold on to it. I will not allow myself to forget who I am.

Just to keep the thought out there… there are no release points for my distress and there are no girls AND I am now a vegetarian. Not that anyone is keeping score, but AFRICA-3 : Greg-2 (1 because I am still here and 1 because of the previous post)…eh make that 3½ for Africa, that whole vegetarian thing really erks me.